I give in. I hopelessly admit it, I'm stuck with you!
The white snake that climbs to my mind in every hour, her poison like a drug, my blood takes shape of your image… The pain that keeps me alive, the hope that is running out. I never believed that would happen to me. The way I can't control my feelings even though I know every thing about you. And there are SO many things I dislike and too much of them hurt me, daily…
It's sad. It's sad how stupid I feel writing this. And how ashamed that I'm not capable of telling you. So weak. So not what I want to be. If you'd read this, you probably wouldn't realise, it's you. It's been you for a couple of years or more. It took me ages before I realised I can't deny it, before I finally got it, that I never was able to hide it from you. You know, surely, you must know it's you. I see it in your eyes, the reflection of my own emotions. The endless second when I'm with you in our eye contact… It drives me so close, it brings you right over… But you stay there, just there, and it almost kills me, the realising tought of reality.
I can't be myself as long as I must lie to you every day, deny it...
You don't really know my insides and I don't really know if I can show it. Who knew I was a coward? Who knew it would surprise me like this? Oh God, who knew, I'd love every single thing I used to hate on you?
There's no hope for a coward. I can't expect you to read my mind. I can't expect to be able to tell it to you. But, after all, you know. Is there a single doubt? Everything drives me to you... It's so easy to feel but so hard to believe. It's just like all good things in life. But what can I do? Cause you know. And I suffer. It's seems like it's ment to be that way, it always was.
The day when I'll learn to tell the truth, will be, like it already is, too late. But that won't change a thing...
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