Awake my soul

...In these bodies we will live,
in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love,
you invest your life...

It was something you would call a good day. With a tired version of me. In the moment I opend my eyes, I knew it's not going to be a good day - for me. I awoke tired and cold, never properly turning my brain on. Without any life energy at all. It hit me just like that. Just the way I had written about in the previous post.
Not everything iritates me, but I iritate myself. I don't know if I want to eat breakfast or no, don't know what should I wear - and I can't think of anything I would WANT to wear, which is never a problem on a normal day. And it's the same with the shoes, hair, coffee,... I'm standing in the middle of all these things and can't decide a thing! Can't think of nothing. An empty head of mine, and I'm imprisoned in it.
At work I try to function as always, but I still make mistakes. Nothing of this would be a tragedy, if my mood wouldn't afect others. Becouse I CAN'T smile, talk, respond to anything. Everything is a riddle. And my mind can't solve it. I want to, or I don't, I can't even tell.
It feels like walking on the edge of a headache.
So I stare, I think about nothing except why is it like this, and don't talk. At several times of the day I halt and panic about; what's next? And when I remember, I move on to the next thing on the schedule and lose my mind in the middle of whatever I'm doing. A corner of my brain coordinates the work and I'm miles away, sleeping...?
It's tiresome. But it has to be this way, I guess. Sometime tomorrow I'll be the same again, and all will be forgotten, till the next T day.

That's the way I am, and I won't fight it. I don't know if this happens to anybody else. Or maybe they don't know it, just  think of it as a 'bad day'- the source of all bad things happening around. But I know very well it's only me.

On the bus, returning home, I sat down on the first free seat. I sensed a presence on the seat behind me, and looked. There was this guy, I don't remember how he looked like. We exchanged looks. I only rimember he had piercing eyes. And on any other day I'd smile. Not a flirting smile, but an incouraging one. The one that says; I know it's a bad day, but what can you do? But I didn't. Just because. It would probably make him feel better and me too...
Just like the other day; when I wanted to cross the street. I know I can walk freely and the driver must stop. But I never do that. I stand till someone stops or the road clears out. So...two other persons before me crossed it and I assumed the driver of the small lorry would want to go on, even if he was alreay stalled. So I stopped, and he stayed still. The rest was a mixture of nodding and quick stpos untill he made a gesture 'go on', so I did and I made him a big grin. And he smiled back. And it felt good.

What I wanted to say, again?
I lingered on the line Where you invest your love, you invest your life in the song by Mumford and sons.
So true. I don't want to say anything over this. If you don't get the line I shall enlighten you, so ask. If you do understand it, please be quiet for a moment and let it sink in.