Storm

How long have I
been in this storm
so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head...

 See her coming towards.

 Outside is raining heavily (cats and dogs)! The rain is rythmic and some kind of loud. From time to time I see the flash of a lightning and shiver in anticipation of a loud thunder near by. But it still always takes me by surprise and I flinch and am glad that my stereo still plays (the laptop has a battery and would work if the electricity wnet of). Right now there are some "sad" songs on my playlist, perfect for todays feelings and weather. Do not get me wrong, I'm NOT sad, but the songs I'm listening to would be refeerd to, by most people, as sad songs. But I love them and need them rigt now, becouse they simply reflect the way I feel. One of these is Storm by Lifehouse - which is so fitting in rigt now.
Becouse I have so many waves in my head and am overwhelmed by them. A lot of touhts that are ment to be written in this short flash of inspiration. I get that sometimes. A feeling I should write. Not about films, music, photography or anything alse but only what I think about. I don't really know why, it just makes me feel I've done something I was supposed to do. I have toughts all the time. I think a lot. Of just about everything that exists. But only sometimes I need to pour it out. And that times I call it inspiration. Becouse if I tried to do it on any other day, without the presence of the feeling, I wouldn't be able to tell or explain it properly. A bunch of meaningless words that would seem pathetic and forced out. And you can always tell when someone is writing that way. It just all seems plastic. Artificial. So today is one of the days I feel the flow of the words and they get to me as easily as the rain falls on the ground.
The storm has calmed down now. And Frank Sinatra is singing Moon River in my room, swirling around my head. Oh so many things I should say, write right now, they are too unpatient to stand in line and wait for me to let them out one by one. I already know only one will get out today and I'm so sorry for the others but they'll get their turn, eventually.
There's a book I opened today. And theres a sentence; (I'm translating, so sorry) Our entire lives, all of them, all of our creations, loves and sufferings are written in the book of the world; all of it is included in this book and stays there, saved... No, the world is not a manuscript that needs to be deciphered (and we couldn't even do it)- the world is a book that needs to be dictated.
I belive that. If I tried to write it down it would take much more than a paragraph so I'd rather used this. My life has to be dictated,  I must live my life according to where the road leads me. Ans there is a path, a way I'm walking on. But the turns-decisions are important. And with decisions is like this: There are usally two options and both seem acceptable, rationally. The only thing different is how you feel about them. There's ALWAYS a feeling. A presence, a sixth sense, intuition. It's hard to find it in yourself, but not impossible. You just need to learn how to listen and shut up your brain. Even when the situation seems so logical and you think you can't go wrong when taking a decision, even than you should listen. And I do hear it. Something that is guiding me towords the other end. Or I'm very deluded and only believe so. But it works for me. Becouse I do belive that's going to keep me on the right path, the path that's written in the book of the word. And hard decisions are not hard anymore. And there is no souch thing as remorse. When it's done it's done. And it was done with best intentions. Even if in the long run those best intentions become worst. If you'd known, you'd have decided differently, wouldn't you? 
The rain seems to have stopped now and I'm almost worn out. I've changed the music to Edoardo Bennato, an italian cantautor, a brilliant one, right after Fabrizzio De Andre. If you love music, please do yourself a favour and listen. If needed a translation, just say, I'd be happy, actually euphoric:) But for now;  

L'isola che non c'e`(The island that doesen't exist)

Seconda stella a destra /The second star to right
questo è il cammino,/that's the way,
e poi dritto fino al mattino/and than straight on till the morning
poi la strada la trovi da te,/after, the rode you find it youself,
porta all'isola che non c'è./it goes to the island that doesn't exsist.
Forse questo ti sembrerà un strano,/Maybe this will seem odd,
ma la ragione ti ha un po' preso la mano./but your mind has taken you by the hand.
Ed ora sei quasi convinto che/And now you're almost convinced that
non può esistere un'isola che non c'è./there couldn't be an island that doesen't exist.

E a pensarci, che pazzia,/And to think about it, what madness,
è una favola, è solo fantasia/it's only a faitrytale, a fantasy
e chi è saggio, chi è maturo lo sa:/and who's wise, who's mature knows:
non può esistere nella realtà!/it can't exist in reality!

Son d'accordo con voi,/I agree with you,
non esiste una terra/There doesen't exist a land
dove non ci son santi né eroi/where there are no saints nor heroes
e se non ci son ladri,/and if there are no thieves
e se non c'è mai la guerra,/and never a war,
forse è proprio l'isola che non c'è/it's probbably right the island that doesen't exist
... che non c'è./that doesen't exist.

E non è un'invenzione/ And it's not an invention
e neanche un gioco di parole/ and neither a wordplay
se ci credi ti basta perché/If you believe, that's enoug
poi la strada la trovi da te./than the road you find it yourself.

Son d'accordo con voi,/I agree with you,
niente ladri e gendarmi,/no thieves and constables,
ma che razza di isola è?/what kind of an island it is?
Niente odio e violenza,/No hate and violence,
né soldati, né armi,/no worriors, no weapons,
forse è proprio l'isola che non c'è/it's probbably right the island that doesen't exist
... che non c'è./doesen't exist.

Seconda stella a destra/The second star to right
questo è il cammino,/that's the path,
e poi dritto fino al mattino/and than straight on till the morning
non ti puoi sbagliare perché/you cann't fail becouse
quella è l'isola che non c'è./that's the island that doesen't exist.

E ti prendono in giro/And they mock you
se continui a cercarla,/if you keep searching for it,
ma non darti per vinto perché/but don't loose faith
chi ci ha già rinunciato/the onse who have already given up the search
e ti ride alle spalle/and jokes behind your back
forse è ancora più pazzo di te!/it's probbably even more crazy than you are!

And now it has happened. The electricity went off. I like it. Lighting up some candels. The scent of a wild rose. Hmm. I'm sorry for all those people who are scared right now, but I'm having a good time. One of the rare silent moments when everybody does nothing and the world goes silent. Peaceful. It's so quiet I can find myself in the mess. And I know where I belong and there's a purpose of my exsistence. And again, as many times before there's a soft sound of the piano, the Nocturne no 9, by Chopin.

I neverd went to a musical school or what's that called. I've learned to play the guitar by myslef and atended a choir but other than that... I'm addicted to music:) When I'm listening it's like somebody's talking to me. I feel soo good when I sing, even if of-tune sometimes. However, there's something about the piano that always cought my attention, got me to stare and listen, to admire and wonder. I can not write how beautiful is sounds to me. If you ever heard or seen something- a picture or a sound that made you cry, than you understand. And it's not a bad thing! It's the best thing you can possibly feel! So tuned in with the world, fitting in. That's God. The things that seem sad are the most beautiful, have the most feeling in it, the energy. I'm babling, but I don't know how to say it. Anyway, it keeps me sane and happy. But that's something I'll write about another time...