Death

Floating neither up or down,

I wonder when I'll hit the ground.

Will  the earth beneath my body shake

And cast your sleeping hearts awake?

Could it tremble stars from moonlight skies?

Could it drag a tear  from your cold eyes?

I live on the right side, I sleep on the left

That's why everything's gotta be love or death.

Yes this fear's got a hold on me.

So the holiday of humanitys' biggest fear is approaching. The fear of death. Isn't it all about it? We remember the dead  ones . But do we, really? We probbably remember their graves, the number of candles and flowers on them. And we try hard to show how much the beloved one ment or stil means to us. By making their place of rest look like a stage for life. Light and plants. But the dead ones don't notice. Even if they do, they would probably prefer us to do it on other occasions. I don't  want to start a faith debate, so I'll leave it here.

Recently I've lost my grandpa and miss him so very much, I can't express it with amount of flowers and candels. I can't show how much I miss him by visiting his ashes in the graveyard… In a place as cold and lonely as possible. He is no longer there… There is not a single place on earth where I could find him now. There are only the empty rooms and my memories inbetween them.

Why on earth do people spend their money for enormous amounts of grave decorations? After the funeral we recieved so many candles we could fill an entire floor of a room with them! From friends, familiy, coworkers,… But none of them will really remember my grandpa after it. No one will visit us, to maintain the memory fresh, neither his grave.

I don't know where we go when we die. And I don't want to. I only know my body will rot, and so will my heart and my brain and with it the feelings, memories,.. everything. My essence will go back to where it came from. Wherever that is.

Death is the hardest thing. Well, the missing part is. An empty corner of the heart. Accepting death is not hard.. It's logical. But how to cope with the feeling that nothing's ever gonna be the same? That someone is gone Forever? So many people have died but we only grieve for the ones we loved…

And still it fades away with time. It hurts less and less… We love new things, new people, trying to replace the old ones. Every year we gather around their graves and mourn, thinking we won't feel guilty for moving on. Pathetic or not, that is what we do. ..