I have struggled in vain...

...and I can't bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment.

The best way to hate someone is to ignore him.

And there was a plant. I was a plant. No, I wasn't a plant, a plant feels far more alive than I do. I'm more likely to be a trash can. It has no voice to shout with. To shout to those who throw garbage in it's face. But stil is respected for that, for keeping the unwanted items away from theyr owners. I could be a chair. Something to put your arse on.And what about the toilet? It swollows crap and it's repelled by it's users becouse of that. I would like to be a toilet. I would like to be anything, anything, so I wouldn't feel all the things i feel right now, so I wouldn't feel at all. Wouldn't think, wouldn't talk, wouldn't cry, wouldn't lie...

And the harder I try the more they try to break me. And there's no need to argue, no need to talk about it. And the thing that makes me mad, is the one thing that I had. I knew, I knew I'd lose you. You'll always be special to me, special to me.

I will do what it takes. I will remain silent. I will pray for them. I don't wish them harm. I would never do something just to hurt them. They still do mean that much to me. They still are the same but my changes have disgused them in every way. And no metter what they say. Was it all a waste of time? I knew I'd lose you.

So why did they all just walk away? Was there something wrong? Didn't eant to say...Why did they listen to someone else? I did something wrong. They all got that attitude. Don't listen to what they say, make up your mind, walk away. Don't even give them the time of day, they put you wrong, turn away. It won't ever happen again, they've all got wrong, gone insane. That's why they walked away, there was nothing wrong, didn't want to say. That's why. That's why..?


Cordell, time will tell, they say that you past away, and I hope you've gone to a better place. Once you rulled my mind, and I tought you'll always be there, and I will always hold on to your face. But everything changes in time and the answers are not alwasy fair. I hope you've gone to a better place...

These are only a few toughts, taken from songs I'm listening to in the present. Cranberries most of the time. There are a few quotes I like and so on. This is just a glimpse of inspiration, no personal feelings.